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Episode 601:  Freak Strike
Original Air Date: March 6th 2002

        The kids learn that Talk Shows offer special assistance to grossly disfigured people who appear on their show. They immediatly sign Butters up as a guest with a a strange deformity. With the help of some strategic physical enhancement, Butters is sure to beat out all the other freaks and win a prize. However, when there isn't enough of Butters' prize to go around Cartman makes a bid for his own guest spot with Maury when he talks him mom into joining him on the segment entitled, "Please Help My Out of Control Child"  

 

Episode 602:  Jared has Aides
Original Air Date: March 13th 2002

        As the country becomes obsessed with a popular program for losing weight, the boys see their opportunity to become sponsored by a major restaurant chain in "Jared Has Aides." In Butters regimen to drop some pounds his parents ground him for getting lyposuction surgery. The plot thickens when the rival weight-loss spokesman finally "comes out" with the secret weapon he used in the fight against fat.

 

Episode 603:  Asspen
Original Air Date: March 20th 2002

        With their parents stuck in Time Share Hell, our boys are on their own on the slopes of Aspen, circa 1985. Stan gets challenged to a ski race and must win in order to save the youth center, get the girl, and free the trapped spirits of the Wakacha Vampire Indians. Not that he really cares.

 

Episode 604:  The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer
Original Air Date: March 27th 2002 

        The boys will stop at nothing to watch the new Terrance and Phillip movie trailer. Even if it means sitting through thirty minutes of "Russell Crowe: Fightin' 'Round the World." Hey, at least it's not "That 80's Show."

 

Episode 605:  Fun With Veal
Original Air Date: April 3rd 2002

        When the boys learn where veal comes from on a field trip to the local slaughterhouse, they instantly turn into junior eco-terrorists (call Tom Ridge!). After calf-napping all the future parmigiana meat in town, the boys blockade themselves in Stan's bedroom, where Stan develops a "genital" disease from his diet of fruits and vegetables. Maybe tortured baby cow meat really does a body good.

 

Episode 606:  Professor Chaos
Original Air Date: April 10th 2002

        Cartman, Kyle and Stan have been thinking long and hard about Butters' job as the replacement friend since dear sweet Kenny kicked the bucket. Unfortunately they feel that his attempts as nice as they are, well just plain suck so they decide to fire him! Butters’ rejection causes him to uncover a deep dark part of him that he never knew existed, and plots to end the world with his new found mental illness as Professor Chaos,

 

Episode 607:  The Simpsons Already Did It
Original Air Date: June 26th 2002

        Professor Chaos (okay, it’s just Butters) returns with brand new, super evil, schemes to wreak havoc on South Park; unfortunately, the Simpsons have already done them all. Meanwhile, a super secret ingredient helps Cartman’s “Sea People” evolve at an alarming rate. Stan, Kyle, and new friend Tweek, costar. Kenny is still dead.

 

Episode 608:  Red Hot Catholic Love
Original Air Date: July 3rd 2002

        "Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" you say? Not on Priest Maxi's watch. Even if it means traveling to the Vatican and enduring the real-life challenges of a 4K video game, circa 1982. Oh, and Cartman craps out of his mouth.  

 

Episode 609:  Free Hat
Original Air Date: July 10th 2002

        The boys campaign to save movies from directors hellbent on "improving them"; unfortunately, the townspeople are consumed with their own campaign to free a convicted baby killer (don't ask). In true Hollywood fashion, the hero you least expected, Tweek, emerges; and in true South Park fashion, he fails miserably. Luckily, everything works out in the end...sort of.  

 

Episode 610:  Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society
Original Air Date: July 17th 2002

        After nearly five years and 89 episodes, it finally happens: Cartman gets kicked out of the gang. The reason? Bebe gets boobs and the boys go ape, threatening their friendships and society as we know it.

 

Episode 611:  Child Abduction Is Not Funny
Original Air Date: July 24th 2002

        In an effort to protect their children from kidnappers, the parents of South Park hire the owner and operator of the local City Wok to build a Great Wall around the city. When crazy things like Kid trackers and Mongolions come into the picture. The parents learn a very important lesson themselves about trusting strangers.  

 

Episode 612:  A Ladder to Heaven
Original Air Date: November 6th 2002

        The boys have to find a way to reach Kenny before they lose their chance at untold candy riches; and what better way to achieve this than a ladder to heaven – because Kenny’s dead. Said ladder quickly becomes a national sensation, leading to lame (redundant, I know) country songs and the usual government intervention. Will the boys succeed? In a word or two: sort of.

 

Episode 613:  The Return of the Lord of the Rings to the Two Towers
Original Air Date: November 13th 2002

        The boys are on a mission: return “The Lord of the Rings” to the Two Towers Video Store in Conifer. But this is no ordinary copy. Butters (“My precious…”), the evil sixth graders, and the boys’ parents all try to steal the ring, er tape, from the boys. Will they succeed? What do you think? J.R.R. Tolkien must be spinning in his grave.

 

Episode 614:  The Death Camp of Tolerance
Original Air Date: November 20th 2002

        A loveable new character, Mr Slave, makes his debut as Mr. Garrison desperately tries to get fired from his new job as the boys' 4th grade teacher. Meanwhile, our little heroes get sent to the Deathcamp of Intolerance for not tolerating Mr. Garrison's intolerable behavior (e.g. sticking a gerbil up Mr. Slave's ass). Lemmiwinks (the afore-mentioned gerbil) guest-stars.  

 

Episode 615:  The Biggest Douche in the Universe
Original Air Date: November 27th 2002

        When a famous psychic fails to help him exorcise Kenny from his body, Cartman takes other steps to achieve his goal. He and Chef travel to the moors of Scotland, where Chef’s mom tries a little of her voodoo magic on him. Meanwhile, after the boy’s encounter with the TV psychic, Kyle is paralyzed with fear at the thought of members of the spirit world watching over him. Only by debunking those who claim they can communicate with the dead can Stan save Kyle.

 

Episode 616:  My Future Self n' Me
Original Air Date: Decmber 4th 2002

        When a 32 year old man claiming to be Stan from the future shows up in South Park, young Stan is forced to come to terms with the loser he will become. Meanwhile, South Park's own little entrepreneur, Eric Cartman is at the helm a new money making venture. Cartman is in the business of revenge.

 

Episode 617:  Red Sleigh Down
Original Air Date: December 11th 2002

        Once again, it's Christmas time in South Park. When all the tallies are in, Cartman is over drawn in the "naughty" column. He has to score one big "nice" to be eligible for Christmas presents this year. With the help of Santa, Mr. Hankey and Jesus, Cartman attempts to bring Christmas to the downtrodden citizens of Iraq.